It must suck for you,
right now,
lads.
There’s almost no movement advocating for you that isn’t incredibly toxic, exploitative, and misogynistic, and everyone seems to be trying to sell you a course, coin, work out, or protein powder while screaming about how hard life is going to be for you if you don’t.
The ugly side of capitalism has reared its head and the first chomping bite is coming out of you. You need to have a six pack and you need to be gentle.
You need to protect women but you need to understand they don’t need you. You need to lose your virginity but you also need to be terrified of getting a girl pregnant or you’re the worst person ever. I know you must feel like we hate you.
I know reading ‘men are trash’ stuff must be horrible when you’re just trying to be a good guy and get on in life. So here’s what my advice is, as a young woman who has successfully fought through school, college, and work, and grown up around young men facing the same issues as you.
But if you read nothing else here; as a feminist, I do not hate you. At all.
Myhusband and I babysit our grandkids regularly and the other day, as we were picking up two girls under 4 at my daughter’s house, I mentioned how much we enjoy having them to their dad. I also said (inappropriately) that I was glad my daughter had given birth to girls, since my two adult sons are both struggling right now. “Yes. We really enjoy them, too,” my son-in-law answered. “It’s a good time to have girls.”
His answer made me sad. And I tried to reply that it’s a good time to have boys, too, but it was hard to back that up. As a woman and the editor of this feminist publication, I read a lot of complaints about men and the patriarchal culture we live in every day — and they are justified.
We still have a long way to go to reach gender equity in the U.S. And I’m fearful about what my granddaughters will confront when they reach puberty — the horrible sexualization of young girls, diesempowerment of women in college and the workplace, and violence against women at home and in public that run rampant in the U.S.
But despite the above, and the recent loss of women’s reproductive freedom in the U.S., I still feel optimistic that life is getting better for women overall. I’m not sure why! I also believe this cultural change is benefiting men, but again, the specific details are unclear. So it makes me happy when I read a story from a male perspective that confirms my intuition. The stories below reinforced my sense that the U.S. is changing (or is trying to change) for the better when it comes to achieving equal rights for women and men.
Four Stories By Men That Moved Me This Week
By Mitch Y Artman
This story is an analysis of how American culture is shifting in terms of gender roles and expresses both why that feels upsetting for men, and how the changes are actually benefiting men and society as a whole. It investigates the current zeitgeist and explains not only what men must do to adapt, but also why. And it’s not just to be a nice guy.
By David Saint Vincent
This one examines the performative “masculinity” demonstrated by people like Donald Trump and compares it to the grace and dignity of true masculinity as personified in people like Muhammed Ali, who was the opposite of a sore loser. The author has a lot of personality, and his voice isn’t always politically correct, but it is wholly original, convincing, and insightful. And it’s a voice that other men might listen to and hear.
From LGWare, The Black Lens
This one is actually a pessimistic piece, decrying the lack of empathy in some of the students at the high school where the author teaches. But the empathy the author displays himself, and the fact that he is looking for empathy in his students, leaves me feeling hopeful. I’m glad there are men like the author who care about young people and are showing by example how to treat others with kindness and respect, and why we should.
From Andrew Springer
Since a big part of America’s mistreatment of women springs from the doctrines of radical right Christian organizations, I’m always happy to read an article debunking their particular brand of hogwash. But it’s especially sweet when that article is written by a former Christian so devoted to god that he’s going to Yale Divinity School to develop and better understand his faith. His story rightly points out that today’s Christian churches don’t follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.
I hope you enjoy one or more of these stories. I liked them all!
Besides writing stories about movies, books, mental illness, and politics on Medium, I edit the feminist publication Fourth Wave and I’ve published two novels here: Thirsty Work and Count All This. Get an email whenever I publish. And if you’re a writer with a passion for equality, submit to Fourth Wave.
